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and I’m hesitant to say why in the fear of offending those of my friends who are going to see it this week.  I was going to be one of them.  I read the books. Was mesmerized by the character of Christian Grey and wanted to be Anastasia Steele a time or two.  To be swept off my feet by someone with money and power, able to whisk me away to a romantic dinner in another city on his private plane…..well, who wouldn’t want that?  But then the “other stuff” happened.  The stalking, the control, the fear.  I don’t understand the world of bondage although I have friends who have participated and some that still do.  I don’t understand the feeling of wanting to be controlled and the feeling of wanting to control others by demeaning them to things that seem, well….demeaning!  I’m not sure it’s a world I will ever fully understand.

Lately, my heart has been changing.  In the last year, I’ve been to a foreign land twice on a mission trip.  Although it’s only been twice, I feel like I’ve been there a long time as my soul is fully invested. And since that time, God has timed it perfectly for me that some studies I am doing are focused on mission-type work (locally and globally).  One of the current studies I am doing is Nehemiah….a heart that can break by Kelly Minter.  In one of her videos that go along with the series, she talked about her own personal conviction of putting things into her mind that are not necessarily in line with her beliefs.  She referenced going to see movies that crossed the line, “but Lord, they are funny!”.  And God said back to her, “Kelly, if it put me on the cross, then it isn’t funny.”  Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

That phrase has stuck with me and penetrated my soul deeply.  There is no question in my mind that for me, I am not supposed to see this movie.  For me personally, I don’t believe it is a healthy representation of the kind of sexual relationship that God created.  I may sound like a stick in the mud to some and that’s okay.  I can live with that.

I won’t judge others who see it. That’s not my place. This is only why I am not going to see it.  Christian Grey and I have officially broken up and I’m okay with that.