As a special needs Mom, one of the things I least look forward to is report time. The annual meetings that go over the same things we’ve gone over for the last twenty-something years.
I just finished reading a summary of Megan’s life in a two page format. The school’s she has attended, from elementary through graduation (a few are missing, but does it really matter? Nah!), a list of her strengths and a list of her weaknesses.
Guess which list is generally longer.
And then there is the IQ score from 2008 from an IQ test that she had to take but was in no way an appropriate test to give a person with autism and intellectual disabilities. But, the state required a “number” so I had to fight the schools like crazy to administer the test to get a number that in no way truly describes her actual intelligence just so that she could be eligible for services. Are you scratching your heads, too?
So I look at this report and see that sad number and it just takes me back to a place I don’t like. A place where we prayed and hoped that the doctors were right and that “she’d catch up”. A place where all the dreams that one puts into having a baby girl were shattered. A place where we know she will never live on her own and the fear that accompanies that in wondering who will care for her and protect her when we’re gone. A place that makes me question….did we do something wrong? Could we have prevented this?
I don’t like these reports at all because I don’t want to dwell there. I don’t want to be sad for what isn’t. What won’t be.
So I will file those reports away and not think of them again for another year. Instead I’ll think of how smart my girl is. How she has the thought process to try and get herself out of trouble by redirecting the adults around her “let’s have a hug!”; “Hi Mom! I’m so happy see you!” It takes thought processing to manipulate. :))
And I’ll think about how our girl makes us laugh with her “Meganisms”. She comes out with the cutest and funniest things sometimes. People always say that Meg will say what we all want to say but we don’t have the nerve!
I’ll think about this girl of mine who loves to worship God through song. Who will lift her hands in church without inhibition. Who will stand up when she thinks a song warrants it and bring those around her up with her. If we all could feel that free, imagine how wondrous our time of worship through music could be! And the girl who sighs a bit when she thinks it’s time for the message to be over and head to lunch. :))
This girl of mine will dance around a room because the music fills her soul and she just can’t stay still!
This girl of mine isn’t materialistic. She could care less about any of the things that young women care about. There’s no worry of trying to impress others. She is free of that burden. She might be the lucky one in some ways!
This girl of mine is fiesty. She’s strong-willed. She is determined. She has her own mind.
This girl of mine loves the people in her world. And she is loved well by many.
This girl, who turns 25 years old next week is a young woman, loved by God. And she is so much more than an annual report. She’s a gift from Above. Our blessing!