To quote Kelly Minter from her study, Nehemiah: a heart that can break…..
“I admit that I’ve complicated joy. I’ve tangled it up with health, financial security, a nice home, entertainment, pleasures, career advances, and relationships. We could all keep the list going. “If we have a vacation on the books, we have joy. If the promotions happens, the dress fits, the boy calls, well then…joy! We look for little pockets of happiness to sustain us like quarters being popped into our joy meters- which are always ticking, always gobbling up whatever we just fed them.” True joy is different. Unencumbered, uncomplicated joy needs nothing but the presence of Christ to light its wick in our hearts. Joy frees us from “having to constantly feed the meter with our next big plan, pleasure or purchase.” 1
How many of us could have written the same paragraph? I know I could have! I have based my joy upon my circumstances just about my entire life. I’ve compared myself to others, wanted to keep with up with the Joneses (whoever they may be) and forgot my priorities. Or did I ever even have any good ones? Any that meant anything?
I feel as though my entire world has changed. How can you not see something like this….
and not be affected. How can I keep living my life as if there aren’t children who lay their heads on these pallets every single night as they go to sleep? I simply can’t. I won’t.
But now I sit here, tears brimming and ask God, “what can I do to make a difference?”. What can I do? Where do I need to be? How can I effectively help?
I’m trying hard to listen. I’m trying to fully know what God intends. He wouldn’t place such a burden on my heart and expect me to sit idly by, doing nothing. Buying new cars, stocking up my portfolio, looking for a new handbag…daily, wondering if I should buy these awesome boots in brown, too. All of these little things that have such little meaning now.
I am using this blog today therapeutically. I am prayerful. Hopeful. Trusting that God will reveal Himself to me through this burden I carry so deeply. I know I’m not alone. I can think of a few friends immediately who share this burden. Family members who do as well. I’m not alone. But alone, I need to hear from God. Next steps, Lord? Don’t allow me to complicate my joy. My joy has to come from You and only You, even amidst this burden.